午夜剧场

There are countless books in the world offering advice and mindsets for those on the caregiving side. These books provide specific methods and mental approaches—such as how to interact, how to speak, and how to handle situations when they arise—based on actual caregiving experience, or they vividly describe the emotions felt by the caregiver.

In the 40-plus years I have been involved with elderly care facilities as a physician, I have interacted with many elderly people and their families. One thing that has always concerned me is the gap between what the family placing them in a facility wants and what the elderly person being placed there desires regarding their life and care.

What most families want is a regular daily routine: eating three meals without leftovers, bathing every day, and as much rehabilitation as possible. The desire of the person placed there is to live as freely as possible according to their mood at that moment. They want to wake up when they wake up, eat what they like when it's available, feel that bathing once a week is plenty, and wonder what the point of working hard at rehab is at this stage in their life.

Now that I myself am over 80, I am still active in my work and not in a state that requires what society calls "caregiving." However, over the last two or three years, I have been forced to realize that my physical strength, mental energy, and memory are all declining at an accelerating pace. Even if I can push myself for a moment, it doesn't last, and there is a frustration in not being able to do things I used to do effortlessly. Above all, there is an irritation that everything has become "tiresome and a hassle."

I see—so this is what it means to grow old.

Elderly people live with a complex mix of contradictory emotions: a sense of wretchedness, a feeling of being out of place, resignation, anger, and occasional defiance.

Every elderly person has their own rhythm of life and their own way of doing things. While it is fine for those around them to worry because they look unsteady, they absolutely do not want unsolicited interference or "educational guidance" intended for their own good. They have had enough of living while constantly worrying about what others think. I believe this is the true feeling of the elderly.

Interacting with the elderly begins with knowing these true feelings. The core should be maintaining a proper distance based on the principle of "keep an eye on them, but don't interfere," regardless of their condition. I wrote this book thinking that if people handle things this way, both the elderly and the caregivers will feel much more at ease.

Nobuo Otsuka

PHP Research Centers and Institutes

176 pages, 1,320 yen (tax included)

*Affiliations and titles are as of the time of publication.