午夜剧场

This may come as a surprise, but what percentage of parents and children living apart do you think actually see each other after a divorce? The answer is 30%. Currently, 70% of parents and children lose contact with each other.

I myself divorced seven years ago and live with my high school-aged son. At the time of the divorce, I was reluctant to encourage father-son interaction because I didn't want to deal with my ex-husband. Later, seeing my son gauging my reactions and avoiding talking about his father, I had a change of heart. Once I became positive about it, the relationship between the three of us improved instantly. Based on this experience, I founded "Rimusubi," an association that provides support and awareness for "co-parenting"—where both parents remain involved in child-rearing even after separating. It is now in its fifth year.

Since these are couples who have reached the point of divorce, discussing post-divorce parenting is not easy. The important thing is to "not fight during the divorce because the parent-child and parent-to-parent relationships continue even after separation." Children are already hurt enough by their parents' divorce. It is up to the parents to ensure that they do not fight further or prevent the child from seeing the other parent.

Each spouse sees a different landscape. A common scenario is a wife thinking, "My husband is overbearing and won't listen to my wishes," while the husband thinks, "I help so much with housework and childcare, so what is she dissatisfied about?" This is a misunderstanding arising from a lack of communication.

The points here are "think about what you can do yourself rather than trying to change the other person" and "communicate with words rather than expecting them to guess your feelings." Is the current situation entirely the other person's fault? Taking the first step toward compromise yourself is one option.

If continuing the marital relationship is still difficult, it is necessary to separate spousal emotions from the parent-child relationship in order to transition from a couple to a co-parenting relationship. At Rimusubi, we provide support for either continuing the marriage or moving toward co-parenting while helping to organize and process the feelings between the couple.

In the future, I want to further strengthen awareness activities to change the social stereotype from "divorce means a single parent" to "divorce means two parents." I also hope to be of service through training for the judiciary and administration, lectures for the next generation at universities, and mental health care for family issues as part of corporate employee benefits.

While it is best if a divorce can be avoided, I would be grateful if you could keep in mind that "co-parenting" is an option when separation is unavoidable.

Rimusubi